FACEBOOK STUDY

LATE STAYER UPPERS: INSIDE THE DIVAS STUDIO- DAY 2

CASE STUDY: THE EVILS OF FACEBOOK

IT'S an addiction, a real live addiction.

I was on it for 4-5 hours last night commenting on people's walls.

THERE are certain unwritten rules for FACEBOOK but I've taken it UPON myself to make my own rules list, here goes...

1. Always have a picture, a good one, a truthful one, one that isn't you 80 lbs lighter.

2. Your relationship stautus should reflect your REAL LIFE (ie. Don't say Married to your best friend IF YOU'RE NOT.)

3. Do not add people as your friend unless you know them or have a school network in common, this is not MYSPACE, stop being a FRIEND WHORE.

4.Don't rejcect someone unless they are STALKING YOU, out of your network, or a jealous ex. If someone adds you that you knew from high school or camp etc. don't reject them b/c it's the COOL thing to do.

5. If you are over 40 please join MYSPACE, Facebook is for the youngins' as much as you think it would get you a date or help your corporate business.

6.Be a doll and don't tag people in the MOST unflattering pictures.

7. Stop poking people, nobody knows what that even MEANS.

8. I seriously don't care what movies you recently watched. (FlICKSTER...eW)

9. Don't be a MEANIE in groups, if you want to vent your anger go protest something on Church Street .

10. Photoshop isn't cool anymore, stop making your pictures look like THEY'RE ON ACID!

11. Stop with SOCIAL MOTH and all the other "APPLICATIONS" they are really creppy.

12. I don't need to know you went to a HOOKAH BAR.

13. If you're gonna do drugs, be smart AND DON'T DO THEM IN PICTURES. (Big brother is watching)

14. LEAVE NUDITY TO THE PORN STARS YOU SICKO.

15. Don't NOT respond to someone b/c you want them to think you have a LIFE, you're READING THIS BLOG, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE ONE.

16. Don't write on your own wall you'll look like a douche bag.

17. Don't make up your own RELIGION, you're not GOD!

18. It's not cool to SUPPORT HILLARY CLINTON (Obama is the only way to go)

19. JOIN a NETWORK

20. Posing specifically for Facebook pictures is the saddest phenomenon ever. If you're out and about you shouldn't be thinking "WE NEED TO TAKE PICS FOR FACEBOOK!" ewww

21. I'm guessing your MOM doesn't want to be in all your Facebook photos? Are you a loser? Stop posting them.

22. Leaving more than 5 wall posts in a row makes YOU A FACEBOOK STALKER.

23. How many screen names do you friggin' have? One is ENOUGH PEOPLE.

24. Don't put all of your PHONE NUMBERS on your contact info unless you don't mind being raped or stalked.

25. Your STATUS need not change ever 5 minutes, if it does everyone will know you're a LOSERRRR.

26. MiniFEED is CREEPY.

27. Don't LIE on your STATUS (eW)

28. Posting pictures 10 minutes after they happened is soooo PATHETIC.

29. DON'T WRITE NOTES ALL THE TIME, NO ONE READS THEM, GET A BLOG.

30. DON'T tag yourself or your friends in pictures of celebs, it's a little sad you took the 4 seconds out of your life for that.

31. Having a CONVERSATION in real-life about FACEBOOK makes me well up with salt-water tears. NO MORE.

32. Don't actually buy the $1 virtual gifts, are you mentally challenged? And it's totally OK if you are. I'm proud of you for reading this YAY! (claps)

33. If you want people to remember your birthday WRITE YOUR REAL ONE OF FACEBOOK, 4/20 is not your birthday loser.

34. You need to start leaving all those GROUPS YOU JOINED WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS COOL. (detox)

35. If you're going to COLLEGE we want to know WHERE.

36. :-) <3.>

37. If you need a DATE join e-harmony, j-date, or match.com, FACEBOOK SHOULDN'T BE FOR GETTING ACTION.

38. If it's 4:30am in the morning you need to go to BED NOW!

39. NEVER END LISTS ON AN ODD NUMBER, it LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT BORED.

40. Always end lists on an even number.

HIPSTERS IN MONTCLAIR-ARE YOU GUILTY?

INSIDE THE DIVAS STUDIO- DAY 1-

a social commentary blog by Margot Galant Levinson

(Inspired by the creators of www.baristanet.com)

A NEW SPECIES IN MONTCLAIR: THE HIPSTER (Reading this in Starbucks? Well aren’t you special)

SHE is a white, upper middle class rich kid that sneers at and rejects obvious displays of wealth but doesn’t mind her parents taking care of the high tuition cost of NYU. She thinks she is bohemian, but will ironically spend lots of cash at thrift stores attempting to look “organic.”

HE may attend ivy or an ivy clone. In some cases he is what we would call a “smart slacker” (smoked a lot of pot in high school). On average he was an 'A' student at a preppy rich town. He can be seen at both private day schools and public high schools a like.

THEY enjoy an eclectic mix of music from French hip-hop to Polka.
She will usually attend film, art or drama school and will most likely be minoring in something like “experimental voodoo.” He will be majoring in sculpture and minoring in “beaded origami.” By the end of four years, they will stop smoking pot and doing X and start law school. They’ll get married and have 1.5 children.

THE PARENTALS of a hipster, tends to be either extremely wealthy or what we would call BoBo (coined by David Brooks) or bourgeois bohemians (The middle age version of the hipster). Professions of these parents include, psychiatrist, photographer, dermatologist, and dentist or even dare we say it…journalist.
They are usually of the baby-boom persuasion, when talking to their children about the 1970s, they’ll mention how they were “hippies” and smoked pot (fabrication).
In some sad cases, hipster parents will attempt to barnacle themselves to their child’s lifestyle.

MONTCLAIR HIPSTER SPOTTINGS:
Café Eclectic ($6 piece of cake rox with an X)
The Diva Lounge (Yes, I've been there, so obviously I'm hot)
Urban Outfitters (a lot of hipster wannabes)
Cisco (Paris Hilton must buy her jeans there)
Premiere (Because having 6 boutiques within a 1 mile radius is not enough)
Church Street Café (Live middle aged singers a must for hipster parentals)
Nori sushi (Sushi doesn't cost enough anyway!)
Facebook (Myspace is so last year)
Starbucks (Mostly prepsters, wannabees and hipster parents)
Knitting places

HIPSTER VERNACULAR: It's not worth telling you if you have to ask
Chill
Sick
Deck
Scene
Piece
Fin

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE A HIPSTER:
1.You’re reading this at any one of the aforementioned hot spots.

2.You disagree with me completely and have already begun an angry yet anonymous e-mail to me, you won’t send it, it is purely for therapeutic reasons.

3.You’re reading this on your ipod.

4.You’re wearing shades in the dark at Café Eclectic while reading this.

5.You’re reading this while on you trip to Japan, and you’ve decided to translate it into Japanese for your origami teacher in Montclair.


HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE A HIPSTER WANNABEE:

1. You went to www.urbandictionary.com to look up the hipster vernacular, and got your journal out so you could memorize them for tomorrow.

2. You’re not reading this because you’re walking up and down Valley road.

3. At this very moment ask to be driven to Urban Outfitters. You simply need a graphic tee to express your anger at this blog.

4. You don’t understand this and just want to go to CVS to hang out with your biffles.

5. You think Myspace just keeps getting’ better.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’RE A PARENTAL HIPSTER

1.You really are shelling out $50, 000 yearly on a college education, and you would be ashamed to spend less.

2.You are currently texting your daughter on your black berry blue tooth, which you know is “deck” because you gave her $200 so she could buy it for your birthday.

3.You’re child is an artist and a genius and today she has her art exhibit featuring her duct tape wedding gown.

4.You couldn’t be more proud than if she was actually getting married.

5.Unfortunately you can’t go because you already planned a shopping trip with your girlfriends to go to Anthropologie at the Short Hills Mall.

HIPSTER EATS in Baristaville: (Because we all can’t be Mary Kate Olsen)

Trader Joes

Whole Foods (Where else can you get overpriced organic food?)

Raymond’s (The tables and chairs are to die for!)

Sushi Hana (Don’t ask for a fork, you moron!)

Noodle Central

Amazon Café

Tinga

Veggie Heaven (Good enough for anorexics and vegans)

Café Sultan (It’s much more hip to not use utencils)

Senoritas (It's in the ALMOST rich part of Bloomfield)

Café Eclectic (Great for pretending to be cool)

Church Street Café (This is the family friendly hipster loco)

Café Tartufo (Getting closer to Glen Ridge, but still in Bloomfield=you will spend less $ unfortunately)

The Little Saigon

Cuban Pete’s (If you have a fake ID)

Brookdside Thai

Gimme Jimmy’s Cookie Bar

Table 8 (You'll treasure your meal more if you wait)

Aozora (amazing bathrooms, I'd like to spend my birthday there)

Coldstone (Hipster wannabee hotspot)

Hipsters are everywhere in baristaville, please protect your children and yourself. This has been a PSA from the Baristaville headquarters. Not really, I expect free stuff from all the Restaurants I just PLUGGED.

E-mail:margostargo@yahoo.com